Consider Culture in Conversations
My favorite thing is to equip people to have coach-like conversations so they can make a powerful connection. One of the keys to that authentic conversation is to consider personality, family of origin (upbringing) and life experience of the person you are trying to help. I stand by that approach, and would be thrilled to come alongside you in that endeavor, and yet a nuanced level of this appears when you consider culture.
Culture includes family of origin and experience but also goes way beyond it. I have been soaking in the research, wisdom, and practical advice of Erin Meyer’s book The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business.
If you spend quite a bit of time connecting with people who live in other countries either for your profession or for personal reasons, I highly recommend this book. Today I want to share a quick sneak peek into the 8 scales of areas to be aware of when you are in conversation with people with upbringing or experience in other cultures than your own. And since we all have some level of culture, you will likely find even people who have lived in the States for a long time (or always) have the culture of their families or communities. Which one of these would you do well to consider in order to be more effective?
Communicating: low-context vs. high-context
People in the United States are known for being direct communicators, to the detriment of the relationship. Stereotypically we are low-context, which means less room for nuanced communication. We have plenty of words to get specific, and we can be short and abrupt and come across as rude. Author Erin Meyer suggests listening more carefully and exploring what is happening between the words, because there is likely a lot more to pick up
Evaluating: direct negative feedback vs. indirect negative feedback
Some countries will emphasize the criticism that needs to change, for example in a performance review. Other cultures emphasize the positive to soften the blow of the hard (and harsh) thing that needs to be said. The Culture Map says to communicate what your process is so that the conversation can be effective and accurate.
Persuading: principles-first vs. applications-first
In the States, we are very familiar with applications first, and from that we can expand to the philosophies that are implied. Other cultures would lead with the principles at play before giving examples. This can cause confusion and make it difficult to understand – be flexible on how you receive information or share what would be most helpful to you.
Leading: egalitarian vs. hierarchical
Who can lead? How does change happen? Considering whether your client feels he or she can lead or needs to defer to some above them is key to helping them plan steps to move forward. Even someone who has authority to lead may be hesitant because of their cultural background (and personality), so non-judgmental exploration would be helpful here.
Deciding: consensual vs. top-down
How are decisions made with this client? Do they have a say in how things are resolved? This changes your client’s perception of control and brings a whole other dimension to the conversation.
Trusting: task-based vs. relationship-based
Building trust is critical to engaging your client successfully, so let’s consider how that is best done. Some cultures are incredibly relationship-based and it is considered rude to jump into action too quickly. Other cultures have great respect for getting to the task at hand, and building too much rapport can be frustrating. Read the cues of the person you are helping, and possibly gently ask them what they prefer.
Disagreeing: confrontational vs. avoids confrontation
After more than a decade in relationship work, I see disagreeing as a significant factor even in people of the same culture. There is a lot packed into this with personality and your childhood home. Even more so this could be a factor to consider when working with clients of different cultures. Knowing how YOU handle confrontation and exploring how your client would best handle it is a great step to take before you even get to that place.
Scheduling: linear-time vs. flexible-time
Oh the frustrations that appear in most workplaces and homes in the world! Some people say, “if you’re not early, you’re late” and others think “we are supposed to arrive at 6-ish, which means 7 or 8 pm.” In addition to these examples of subcultures, there are patterns of the perception of time by country. If you are working with people with different backgrounds, you can adjust your expectations and maybe your own behavior, and save a lot of silent suffering and disconnect by considering the scale of scheduling..
Which of these scales stands out to you? How can you slow down or be more intentional to make the conversation more effective? Let us know how this helps and if you want coaching to move you forward, schedule a free session to check it out.
