Give Your Kid a Coach

Parenting is incredibly challenging, and having teens and young adult children is often known as a classic challenging period! I remember (before I had my own kids) leading a Bible study in my Theatre Director style — using the opportunity to use a timer and rotation of partners to give 5th-grade girls the opportunity to have quality conversations with moms. I made an easy-on ramp for authenticity by letting them talk with another mom first. I remember knowing even then that the mom-daughter relationship had its own challenges. Why is it easier to talk with other people’s teens? Have you heard other parents telling you how great your kid is?

Here are three guidelines to help you be the parent that your young adult kid wants to talk to. Reflect honestly on the 1st part, and then focus on the positive of what you want to do instead. Don’t be fooled— they are simple, but not easy.

Instead of giving judgment, I will express curiosity

You might have the strongest opinions of what your kids should or should not do, but lay off the judgment with some honest curiosity. When you are listening, grab onto these thoughts or questions:

— What led you to that conclusion?

— Tell me more about that!

— What excites you most about this? What concerns you the most?

— How will you decide?

Instead of giving advice, I will ask questions 

Sometimes they ask for advice, and other times we just ofer it; however it comes, shift away from saying what you think. Instead, flip it onto them:

— What are the factors that are most important to you?

— What is the worst thing that could happen? The most favorable outcome?

— What resources do you have available to help you?

Instead of closed questions, I will create a safe place with open questions and observation 

Catch yourself asking questions that can be answered with a yes, no, or one-word answer. If you ask questions that begin with do, does, is, or are you are already closing the conversation. Reframe a closed question with a what or how question, or make an observation that opens them up to talking,

— What are you excited about?

— What obstacles do you see?

— How would you get started?

— How do you feel when you consider it?

[Observation] —I noticed your body language shift there — what were you feeling?

[Observation] —It sounds like your personality would be a good fit; what do you think?

Let’s Take Action!

Which one of these 3 ideas will you begin first? What do you have to do to be prepared to open up the conversation? As you take small shifts in mindset and behavior, you will become the coach your young adult needs!