We Learn and Grow in Relationships
Let’s start at the very beginning – we were made by God. Oh yes, I mean let’s start all the way at the very beginning! But seriously, we were made to desire God and to praise Him, and we were made for each other. The 3 persons of the Trinity are revealed in Scripture to be in relationship with each other. We also thrive when we are in healthy relationship with God and with each other. If you are not sure if we need other people, you could watch Nell or Castaway or some other movie that shows what happens when we are alone too long.
We see Jesus put value on relationships – he poured into the disciples (3 of them especially) and he made eye contact and engaged individuals with transformative conversation. There have been other books, authors, and speakers who have featured the thoughts and value of relationship, but a recent one I read is The Other Half of Church: Christian Community, Brain Science, and Overcoming Spiritual Stagnation by Jim Wilder and Michel Hendriks. They claim that most of us learn and grow from love and kindness and relationship, in contrast to the classroom-style learning that schools and churches have leaned into over the years. While in a relationship, we can be seen and heard and we can process emotion. This is where the transformation is! We have accountability and empathy and someone who can relate or inspire. This is also where we avoid some tragic endings – arrogance, narcissism, and mis-placed power.
In relationships, we learn and grow.
One of my favorite books on this subject is The Power of the Other by Dr. Henry Cloud. Among many incredible examples, I have a forever clear picture of a Navy SEAL story of a man underwater, giving up hope and full of despair. He catches a glimpse of a buddy on land, cheering him on. He accesses strength and renewed focus not available to him before, and is able to finish the exercise. People who believe in us can, by their mere presence, increase what we are capable of. Likewise, being around people who don’t encourage but rather cast doubt or drain your energy will negatively impact what you are able to accomplish.
We need other people to help us grow. What does this mean for those of us who find ourselves in the service industry or having conversations for a living? Consider these truths:
I am more likely to identify what’s been holding me back by having a vulnerable conversation.
The vision of what could be usually becomes clear from powerful questions and someone believing in me enough to listen with an open, encouraging face.
The hope or renewed strength is more likely to come by hearing someone else relate to my emotions and journey.
A measurable next step is more likely to be identified with someone who is able to listen to me break it down to smaller chunks.
An action step I share with someone is way more likely to actually come to fruition.
I will come back to talk more to a person who made me feel safe, let me share my emotions, and believed I was capable of the life-changing goals I was imagining.
If you want people to grow, give them the best gift of all– the gift of you in an authentic conversation and a genuine relationship. There is more proof than ever that it is significant.
